Thursday, March 27, 2008


Henry VIII in Reality World:


Henry VIII in Postmodern World:



And they say* postmodernism is evil. Stupid they.

(*They being ... well ... Miranda Devine.)

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008


So in Hollywoodworldland, they'd have us believe boys who look like




would spend their time beating up on each other.

Oh don't get me wrong - I have no doubt that in Real World Land there'd be plenty of sweating, pounding, possibly cuts and bruising and near-nakedness involved between the two. However...

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Friday, March 14, 2008


My column this week was on Oklahoma Rep Sally Kern, a Grand Old Party basher straight out of the fire 'n' brimstone cauldron. She was caught out delivering a speech on the evils of homosexuality to what she assumed was a small, captive audience, but which instead got picked up and earned a star in the YouTube universe. You can read more about her speech here (including the speech itself, if you can stomach it), but choice cuts include:

The homosexual agenda is destroying this nation...

Studies show, that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than, you know, a few decades. So it's the death knell of this country.

They're going after our young children, as young as two years of age, to try to teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is the acceptable lifestyle.

I honestly think it's the biggest threat even, that our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam, which I think is a big threat.

Pretty charming stuff, to be sure. The reason I've highlighted the last quote is because it is this particularly deranged raving which has inspired this remarkable rebuttal from an 18yo - straight - Oklahoman man whose mother died in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. I almost got a little teary reading this, and as people who know me will tell you, I'm not a teary sort of person - unless ET and/or Mahler are involved.

Tucker's letter demands a reading in its entirety, but here are some of the more powerful, gut-wrenching insights from this young man:

On April 19, 1995 in Oklahoma City, a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others. Nineteen children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would've likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.

That terrorist was neither a homosexual nor was he involved in Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn't live up to them pay with their lives.

As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the homosexual agenda is worse than terrorism. I can most certainly tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City. I kind of doubt you'll find one of them that will agree with you...

As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to you very clearly you are absolutely wrong. You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they've been through. Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were you a real Oklahoman that was here to share the suffering with Oklahoma City? Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?...

The old saying is sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Well, your words hurt me. Your words disrespected the memory of my mom. Your words can cause others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.

Quite astonishing. Something tells me, however, that even Tucker can't teach Sally Kern the error of her ways. I think she's just a *tad* too far gone. You know, from reality.

(For a lighter pwning of Kern, check out Ellen as well.)

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Thursday, March 13, 2008

Yeah? Well, I don't like you either, Iran!

I'm blogging on this about a month late ... but ... According to the Speaker chap at, I'm the equal third-most blocked Australian blog site in ... Iran? 70% of the time. Yup, apparently I'm even more of an external threat to Iran than Harsh!

And considering the company I'm keeping at the higher end of this illustrious list, I'm a wee bit concerned. On the one hand, there's the legendary Ms Fits - no dramas there. But the remaining list comprises the following righties, listed in order of wingnut lunacy (whom I won't link for obvious reasons): Harry Clarke (mostly harmless economist); Kev Gillett (unsettling); Andrew Bolt (bleckh); A Western Heart (often and correctly christened 'A Whackjob Heart' by Jeremy Sear) and Andrew (S)Landeryou, who to my mind is as much a political blogger as a severe epileptic fit is a form of dance.

Not that I'm a regular reader of any of these sites, but I would assume that (apart from Clarke perhaps) all these blokes get in quite a bit of regular Iran bashing while banging on incessantly about 'Islamofacism', their key bugbear. So I can see why they might not be such a hit with the Iranian Government's Minitrue in downtown Tehran.

I'm just not sure why I'm getting lumped with them. At a quick glance, in the 3+ years of QP's existence I've blogged about Iran exactly once - one of my earliest posts, and it was far more critical of Condi Rice and the Bush administration than Iran itself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in no great rush to fly to Iran anytime soon, given their recent form with gay teens. Although you wonder why they went to the trouble hanging those young boys, given that according to Iran's president, homosexuality doesn't exist there anyway.

Maybe it's the word 'queer' in QP's title? Is blocking me a way of preventing queer sexuality - which is clearly just a symptom of a sick, decadent western society - from seeping into the country? Are they trying to quarantine the nation from the queer disease? I wish I had been banned for a blog post about the travesty of the aforementioned boys' murders - but I never got around to writing one.

Ordinarily I'd wear regular Iranian blocking as a badge of pride - but I figure those other blokes do, too. And the less I have in common with them the better. Talk about politics making strange bedfellows ...

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Open letter

Dear pervy men who arrive at my blog from 'Holly Brisley Sex Scandal'*,

Please leave. Now. Yes, I did have one - one - picture of Holly Brisley here, once. Over two years ago. But no doubt you'll be devastated to learn:

a/ she was fully clothed and not doing anything remotely degrading and/or involved with barnyard animals; and

b/ I only used a picture in the context of comparing her and her Home and Away character to NatBass and Nat's Neighbours character respectively. Probably the gayest use of a Holly Brisley (or indeed NatBass) online pic ever in the history of the universe.

Furthermore, it was soon brought to my attention by the charming chaps at that I was in fact using one of their photos without express permission, and so I took it down under threat of possible future legal action. There isn't even a pleasant, wholesome, G-rated image of Ms Brisley here anymore, let alone a flash o'gash.

So I'm sorry you've come here under false pretenses - but please don't come again. I could not be more serious - or literal.



*(There is a link here to the offending site if you're really that curious, but be warned, very NSFW - you'll be instantly flashed with booby upon arrival).

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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

New twist on an old classic

I don't know why I find Garfield minus Garfield so drawer-wettingly hilarious - I just do. There's something about Jon Arbuckle as a deranged schitzo that's just ... Well I won't oversell it, judge for yourself.

I think this is my favourite:

Or maybe:

It's just ... it's just ... Lol! When you consider Jon has never meant to be able to understand Garfield's thoughts anyway, it does put his sanity into a whole new questionable light.

I say this as a Garfield lover during my formative years, btw - though I do feel that the lazy orange tabby, much like the dysfunctional clan of Evergreen Terrace, has long expired past his use-by date. In reality, a 30-year-old kitteh would be a very old, frail, diseased, myopic, flea-ridden and flatulent kitteh indeed.

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Friday, March 07, 2008

Observations from the iceberg

(UPDATE: I uploaded an abridged version of #2 to the Bolta funfest - and got 14 replies within two hours. 2 in support, a dozen in criticism. Funniest one was an accusation of 'childish name-calling' between a sea of 'loser', 'fool' and 'rabid lefty'. Ahh, Boltaholics. Ease the pain.)

1. So John (W)Howard, who would get crusty pants at the best of times when ex-PMs Hawke and especially Keating and Fraser pointed out the many things he was doing wrong during his time in charge, dons the penguin suit to slag off the new duly-elected Australian government before a bunch of Yank neo-conservatives, safely from the other side of the world? Absolutely no concession, by the way, that he may have got one or two things wrong - say, the things that cost him government, his own seat and a legacy that members of his own party are now falling over themselves to disown?

Classy. And the Howard huggers wonder why so many people were both so joyous and relieved to see him gone.

2. Remember that Mark Latham chap? You know, the troubled fellow hated with a fiery passion by Messrs Bolt, Akerman, Henderson etc and Madames Albrechtsen, Devine etc? All paid up members of the We Hate Latham club.

Apparently, however, the WHL club is about to undergo a name change - it'll now be known as the We Hate Latham (Until He Criticises Rudd Or Labor, Then He's Fine) club.

Exhibit A: Oz editorialists.
The Rudd Government's shortcomings have been neatly set out in an essay by former Labor leader Mark Latham. His verdict is that after 100days in office, it is difficult to know what Kevin Rudd is committed to other than symbolism and committee meetings.

Exhibit B for Bolt:
Heavens, I even agree with Mark Latham on the Rudd Government’s first 100 days

And Exhibit C: from the WHL(UHCROLTHF) President, L'Albrechtsen.
Latham is indeed right that "there is no crisis in the private housing market, just the manufactured hysteria of the political class". He is right to point to the large number of Australians "enjoying a quality of housing well beyond the expectations of their parents and grandparents".

So make sure you change your postal addresses, email domains and Christmas card lists everybody - coz it would seem the WHL club in its original incarnation is no more.

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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Coming out of the (Liberal) closet

(I fear I may lose a friend or two over this week's column (available here as always).)

Forgive me Father, my impure thoughts: I am, it pains to admit, giving serious thought to voting Liberal for the first time in my adult life.

I never thought I’d say these words aloud, much less have them published in SX for all to read. But after another week (Mardi Gras festivities notwithstanding) of pain and corruption from Macquarie Street, served up by a premier full of more hot air than the Hindenburg (and possibly destined for a similar fate) and his unmerry band of bandits posing as ministers, I’m at a point where I believe the alternative literally could not be any worse in government.

The ‘Gong-gate’ scandal is just another in a long line of bluster and incompetence from an administration practically k-holed on its own power and so past its use-by date Bert Newton looks credible by comparison. I’m not sure who I find more distressing: Meagher, the member for Cabracoogee screwing up our hospitals; Sartor, Minister for Developers – sorry, ‘Planning’; Costa, ex union heavyweight turned union head-kicker whose allegiance to anything other than himself is about as strong as Mischa Barton’s bicep; or Tripodi – too much said already.

Actually, I think it’s Premier Dilemma whom I find most offensive. At least with the others you get can your teeth into disliking them; Iemma is so pathetically craven and spineless I’d almost feel guilty sticking the boot in for fear of making him cry.

I should qualify a couple of things here. Firstly, I know good people involved in the NSW Labor Party; they’re smart, talented and actually committed to a noble political cause rather than covering their arses. I believe they are the future of the party and will go on to do great things after a stint in opposition, where Labor desperately belongs for a term or two at least.

Secondly, while I’m open to the idea that Opposition Leader Barry O’Farrell would make a better premier than the current mug – or indeed the budgie-smuggling joke who preceded him – I fear the hard-right mafia, under the rein of godfather David Clarke MLC, still call the shots. It would be awful indeed to give the Libs a shot in power, only to see them dismantle the few good legacies the Carr/Iemma governments have bequeathed to us over the years, such as legal equality and protections for queers and same-sex couples – concepts to which Clarke and others of his ilk are bitterly opposed.

Perhaps in 2010 I’ll take the soft option and vote for neither party, as our electoral system allows for this luxury. But for now, consider this my first step in coming out of an entirely different – and way less fashionable – type of closet.

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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Wellity, wellity, wellity

The small-l Lib mice really are coming out to play now the Big Bad Howard cat is gone, aren't they?

Marise Payne pwns her own party, thus:

Excepting hereditary monarchies, "born to rule" went out of vogue long ago and the democratic process is no exception ... in building broader representation and diversity, we must attract more members from multicultural Australia, more women and more young Australians who see membership of a centre-right party as a way to express their ideals in a stimulating environment of open minds and open debate. We need an agenda where the modern priorities include: climate change and water issues; addressing why women are still paid less than men in exactly the same jobs; dealing with the reality of modern family life in its many versions - particularly the notorious work-life balance.

And real money quote about teh gay:

(A) similar view from families, who believed that the life of their family member was perceived by our government as insufficiently "mainstream" to merit the respect and basic human rights that the rest of the community takes for granted, just because they were gay.
We can talk about the importance of family all we like, but once we are perceived as telling Australians that we disapprove of the lives of members of their family, I believe we are crossing a line, and we also pay a philosophical price for that.

I'd complain that Payne was nowhere near this vocal about such issues during her time as a government senator, but I sympathise with her, knowing she was Enemy #1 for the hard-right freaks in her own party and probably too busy watching her back.

Even Chris Pahhhne seem to be getting his moderate groove back:

(I)f we don't decide to engage in the centre of the political spectrum then we're basically signing our death warrant.

Well that's lovely, but I can already hear the howls of disapproval and protest from the right of party and Howard's meeja darlings. To wit, one Kevin Andrews:

The coalition ... should not abandon the centre in favour of the latest trendy alternative or middle class left fancy.

That's right kids, climate change, water conservation, gender and queer equality, work/life balances - all trifling middle class lefty fancies.

Pahhhne does raise a valid point that's equally applicable to Labor: the desperate need to stamp out internal factionalism that's squeezed out the grass-roots true believers in place of faceless machine men (hello, domination of NSW Liberal Party by Hawke and other uber-righty charmers). Traditionally, rot seeping from within to destroy has been idiosyncratically Labor but it's clearly now just as much a problem for the Libs.

The sad thing is, in winning the election Kevin Rudd did not nor ever will bring about a green lefty utopia*. He has indeed captured the middle ground - but said middle ground was shifted so far to the right under Howard's rule and Rudd isn't about to shift it back anytime soon. The 'middleness' of the middle ground is totally subjective.

(*Slightly o/t: Anybody else find it amusing to watch Howard's meeja luvvies try to have a two-way bob with their sniping at Rudd? On the one hand, he only won the election by copying Howard; but on the other, he's a 'comrade' according to Bolt. So which is he, conservative or commie?)

Tony Blair and New Labour were often criticised for being softer, pale imitations of Thatcher, but I can already see he'll appear positively Marxist compared to Rudd. But I also imagine this is precisely what will keep the latter in power here for a long time. He'll keep Labor right enough, but not so right that he can't raise the threat - with the implicit agreement of certain Libs, no less - of the resurgence of the real hard-right should the Libs ever be returned to power. And in the meantime, only acting at 50% capacity on issues on which he should be giving at least 80% - watering down Labor's commitments to formal federal recognition of same-sex couples or cutting back on greenhouse gases for examples - will seem the sensible, middle-ground approach to take.

The Libs don't necessarily need to regain the middle ground through any particularly progressive shake-up - they just need to neuter their hard-right Id. That's where they'll meet Rudd. After all, he's not that far away from them.

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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Anybody else...

...Find the idea of Schapelle 'eating out' (in Bali) somewhat....nauseating?

Particularly when one bears in mind that Schapper's current Bali buddy is one:



Excuse me *urmph*...I think I'm going to be...

Too late.

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