The Adventures of QueerPenguin

Why Holly Brisley Isn't Natalie Bassingthwaite

Julia Roberts once wisely told Cameron Diaz that "creme brulee can never be jello". It was probably the most - only? - profound insight of My Best Friend's Wedding, other than Cameron pointing out to Julia that her hair was big, or Dermot Mulroney's exposed bicep.

Likewise, Holly Brisley can never be Natalie Bassingthwaite (or, as she's known in pop circles and to people like myself who are morally opposed to the syllable "thw", NatBass).

Some might argue the reverse - that Holly should be the template for comparison as her TV career (as the token blonde Agro sidekick on Cartoon Connection) began several years before NatBass'.

But to me, NatBass is the original. She gave Neighbours a desperately-needed shot of adrenalin as the home-wrecking vixen Izzy. Neighbours has not had such a good resident villain since Mrs Mangel, and Izzy's occasional loopiness is often reminiscent of Julie Robinson Martin, moments before she "accidentally" fell off a high building during a murder mystery weekend. (I use quotation marks as their timeslots forbid both Neighbours and Home and Away from ever allowing a character to commit or even explicitly contemplate suicide. But apparently it's fine for them to go on a crystal-meth induced killing spree.)

Perhaps the comparison is unfair to Holly. I do so because it seems to be a case of lazy writing on the part of H&A, where they've lifted the Izzy character, re-tuned her and slipped her into Summer Bay as Amanda. Cross-over happens a lot in the plotting of these two shows, that's a given, but this one isn't subtle.

a/ Izzy/Amanda are both young, blonde and suffer from the "big-city girl rebelling against the small-town mentality" syndrome;

b/ Izzy/Amanda are both lying, manipulative home-wreckers but audience sympathy is supposedly created and maintained through familial ties. In Izzy's case, she's Max's brother and a fiercely loyal and protective sister/aunt to Summer and Boyd "But I'm not gay" Hoyland. In Amanda's case, it's the precocious little shit son she has;

c/ Izzy/Amanda are both natural enemies of the Erinsborough/Summer Bay Earth Mums, Susan and Beth;

d/ Izzy/Amanda are both gold-diggers;

e/ Izzy/Amanda are both involved with the resident evil businessmen (Paul/Josh) hell-bent on destroying the communities for property advancement and personal gain;

and so on.

Now, talking Holly/NatBass comparisons: How long do we think it will be before Holly launches her singing career? Her hot-shoe shuffling "talent" was uncovered in DWTS, but is there a funky rock/dance ensemble in need of a spunky songstress to vamp up their filmclips - I mean a band other than Rogue Traders? If so, Holly believes she's your girl, no doubt.

The other fairly obvious differences between Holly and NatBass:

a/ NatBass can act. Really. Holly can pout. That's about it.

b/ NatBass can sing. I didn't catch her live at Sleaze this year as I was too busy not being there, but possible live shortcomings notwithstanding, she sounds fantastic in Voodoo Child and Way To Go. Holly probably assumes with that husky voice that she'll inevitably become a sultry pop diva too. Moi, je crois pas.

c/ NatBass has maintained credibility fronting Rogue Traders while still being an actor on Neighbours. That at least deserves a round of applause. Holly, well...She's not NatBass.

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In other Neighbours news:

Remember my Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Dan campaign?

Forget about it. The guy has got to go. No amount of prettiness can forgive how appalling he is, even by Neighbours standards. When an "actor" can make Blair McDonaugh seem like Sir John Gielgud by comparison, something is horribly wrong.

And now, of course, the writers have an Erinsborough Players production piece happening as a gratuituous excuse to sample Dan's singing voice. The guy can sing, sure, but note to writers: Dan is not your next Kylie, Natalie, Delta or even, god forbid, Holly (V, not B). Release him from his contract ASAP so he can keep with the Singing for Jesus, until his inevitable coming out and rejection of christian fundamentalism. Now that will be an impressive opening floodgate.

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And just quickly: how delicious is this Shane Connor lawsuit? Seriously, Aussie soap writers need to get away from their gritty realism (ie Surgeon, which is so not going to make it to a second season) and look closer to home for the Next Big Thing.

I can just see Janet Andrewartha (who I met at a Prisoner reunion and is as much an ice-queen in real life as Lyn Scully is camp) rocking up to the trial, in her oversized Alexis Colby hat, sliding into the witness box showing just a hint of leg, and delivering the damning evidence that will see Connor put away for 20 years lose his case. Then Alan Fletcher testifying in Connor's defence as the actors' union rep. Then a scene of Janet and Alan having to act as friends on the set. Hell, there's a whole season's worth of plot there alone.

Neighbours: Behind the Wheelie Bins.

posted by Sam @ Monday, November 21, 2005