Friday, December 15, 2006

Position Vacant

Now that that bouncy little flea Grant Denyer has done his last stint presenting the weather on Sunrise, his tiny little shoes will need to be filled. And 2006 has seen quite a few individuals suddenly in need of finding themselves new jobs.

My suggested shortlist:

Naomi Robson: "Who gives a flying f#$k what the f#$king weather is? I can't f#$king tell you f#$k-all about the f#$king weather because I can't f#$king read a f#$cking autocue. How do I f#$king look, by the f#$king way? F#$king hot? Oh, that's the f#$king weather forecast? I do hate these f#$king cameras."

Kim Beazley: "Windy conditions in MelBorneo, showers in Pert, fine in Adelie penguin, overcast in BrisBainmarie, humid in HurtNey...And exactly how much did Alexander Downer know about sunshine in GoCart?"

Ted Haggard:
"I am not a weatherman.
OK, I am a weatherman, but I have no idea what the weather is.
OK, it might be cold and rainy, but that wasn't my fault.
OK, that was my fault. It's weather I've been warring against all my adult life.

Mark Foley: Hey sunshine, ure causing a warm front in my trousers. Do you want 2 cover me wif ure sweet yung snow? ;) LOL.

Milton Orkopoulos:

(Actually, I'm not gonna touch that one. So to speak.)

Axel Whitehead: "This cold front will cause strong winds in exposed locations. Temperatures will otherwise be extremely high."

Donald Rumsfeld: "We do know of certain knowledge that the weather is either hot, cold, wet, dry, a combination of all four, none of these, or not weather. I don't do weather. Simply because I have no evidence that weather does exist does not mean that I have evidence that it doesn't exist. Hey - weather happens."

PS: Jana Rawlinson, nee, Pittman has just named her spawn "Cornelis."

Jana Rawlinson, nee Pittman, should be repeatedly killed to death.


At 15/12/06 12:39 pm, Blogger Ron said...

What is it about male weather presenters?

I couldn't stand Grant Denyer and that absolute flip that does the CH10 Sydney weather is enough to drive me drink!

At 15/12/06 2:44 pm, Blogger nash said...

who's a funny penguin!

At 15/12/06 4:36 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

John Heard: rain is like Christ’s holy sperm shed for the redemption of same-sex attracted men so that we can dance in his grace…ecstatic, forgiven and sticky.

Stevie Clayton: we’re consulting on the weather and will be issuing a report very soon telling the Government how hot the community wants it to be.

Rodney Croome: it only snows in Tasmania, and rains and shines. Everywhere else there’s just this yucky, drizzly stuff they call weather but really isn’t.

Ian Roberts: wherever I go it rains.

Emma Tom: la de dah, sex, royals, money, sex, I’ll the leave the weather to the boys.

Matthew Loader: it’s very disappointing that Labor has decided to criminalise clouds, but there is a silver lining.

Brian Greig: actually Matthew I saw that coming 300 years ago, but did anyone listen to me?

Luke Gahan: I prayed for sunny days, rainbows and butterflies, and now I’m sunburnt and covered in moths.

Keryn and Jackie: we were caught in this amazing thunderstorm in New York once, and anyone who says it was just a quick shower is lying through their teeth.

John Marsden: what the f*** do you mean it’s too hot to grow pot in Hell. Lucky I brought some with me.

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At 18/12/06 7:57 am, Blogger comicstriphero said...


At 18/12/06 9:21 pm, Blogger JahTeh said...

Noami will be busy, I've heard they want her for "Dancing with the Stars". Bucket Please.

Never mind the weather, where's the weigh-in results?

At 19/12/06 1:02 pm, Blogger Sam said...

I've stalled a little JT - not going down, but not going up either. Not reporting until there are significant developments.

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You forgot Kevin Federline!

At 16/1/07 2:58 pm, Blogger Brownie said...

Cornelis Rawlinson?

the poor bloody little kid.

there should be a department at the CSV for kids who get rotten names.

Corny Rawlinson?
Raw Corn?
Raw Prawn?
the poor bloody little kid.
the poor bloody little kid.

I was in a cinema where the Happy Feet crowd came out and the kids were dancing and singing the song, so film cannot be bad.

and dykes? saw trailer of new Blanchett Dench film where Very Evil Dame Judi with glowing green eyes of death has knockdown dragout roomsmashing leso brawl with Cate.

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