The Adventures of QueerPenguin

Jesus Saves...Penguins...With Wooly Knits

And it's about damn time, too.

So the girls up at the Coffs Harbour ... branch? diocese? franchise?! ... of the Church of JC of Latter Day Saints are knit one, pearl two-ing their little tushes off to send a new line of penguin jumpers to the Phillip Island Nature Reserve. Fairy penguins' flippers are not waterproof, you see, so when the lads get oil on them they get heavy and, umm, drown. The jumpers, as well as keeping them warm, absorb the oil and the penguins can eventually return to the wild.

I guess with Christianity having colonised almost the entire planet at some point, there's very few human heathens left to save. So now they're after the penguins, many of whom, let's not forget, are "fairies" in more ways than one. I wonder if this charitable donation of nice khaki knits comes with a secret spiritual price tag?

Still, credit where credit's due. Phillip Island isn't even in the same state as Coffs Harbour but here in Sydney you can feel the love channeling through between the two.

My only other major concern is the design of the knits. For penguins I personally envisage black, slimming turtlenecks to conceal their expansive waistlines and give the impression of body length. I'm not sure Latter Day Saints knitters share my vision, however. I see lots of little fairy penguins getting around in olive green and mustard colours, with "Jesus Loves You" sprawled across their bellies. Still, if this important message gives a leopard seal a moment's pause to re-consider devouring him/her alive, then it's a seasonal trend with which I'm comfortable.

posted by Sam @ Thursday, June 09, 2005