Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Curse of the Christian Tuba Player

Poor Harold Bishop. His first wife Mavis died unexpectedly, leaving him to raise son David and daughter Kerry by himself.

Then, Kerry was accidentally shot dead while out on a duck-hunting protest. "Won't somebody please think of the ducks?" she whispered softly into Joe Mangel's ear before carking it.

Then, Harold's beloved second wife, Madge, asked for a pay rise and was written out of the show contracted cancer and died. Her death was so catastrophically tragic that even her own children, Charlene and Henry, were so overcome with grief they could not bear to attend her funeral.

Now, it looks like Jelly Belly's about to lose his son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter in an orgy of Logie nominated-esque soap dramaticals.

All that's needed now is for Sky to suffer a surprise premature death - perhaps a nice decapitation in the style of The Omen?


- and Harold could snap, go all postal/bell towery on the residents of Ramsay Street.

I see it now - Harold's injected Lyn - who rejected his (nude) plea for solace and companionship - with a slow-releasing poison and chained her leg to No 26's letterbox. The antidote is just beyond her reach, but he does offer her a hacksaw (did I mention the chain itself was hacksaw proof?). Big decision to make, with only 11 minutes left to live...

Then again, does a man who wears bow ties

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really deserve the privilege of his loved ones' continued existence?

Note to self: Pick up a life from the deli on way home.


At 18/10/05 11:12 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! gay people!

At 18/10/05 11:20 am, Blogger Sam said...

Where? WHERE?! Oh...

At 18/10/05 12:37 pm, Blogger skander said...

Have you seen BODYMELT Sam? It follows the exact scenario you have described. Although Ian Smith does himself describe it as the worst thing he's ever done. Although culty and hilarious.

I do believe that young Skye Mangel won't be around for long, given the pressing need she has to push her "music career" and be seen at the opening of a car door. So why did they kill poor Serenna? Ljil I can understand, but Serenna? Perhaps she decided to bolt herself, now that they had paired her up with Mr Baldy.

At 18/10/05 12:52 pm, Blogger Sam said...

Hey, as a pop culture blogger I resent that "pick up a life" comment!

At 18/10/05 1:23 pm, Blogger Sam said...

I have heard of the legend of Bodymelt, skander. Incredibly hard to track down though, apparently.

Not sure what inspired the Bishop massacre. I actually thought they were one of the more interesting family units to move into Ramsay Street in the last few years. I think the producers basically said it was necessary spring cleaning so they could move in the Kinskis who will emerge as the new kiddies for Susan to mum over once Alex snuffs it.

Sorry for the insult Sam. Have a Tickle-Me-Ossie-Ostrich doll :P

At 18/10/05 1:46 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can I find this lifestyle/means of support that allows me time to watch and ponder the plots and subplots of Neighbours?? If I were born into the idle rich this would surely be the focus of my life!
As a regular read of the other Sam, his increasingly anxiety-ridden posts suggest he needs to 'pick up a root from the deli' more often!

At 18/10/05 2:07 pm, Blogger Sam said...

Anonymous: I'm not sure who you are - perhaps you could actually show some courage and identify yourself? - but you've got your facts mixed up there. I was born into a family that was neither idle nor rich, I'm definitely neither of those things now and Neighbours is no more a focus of my life than any other topic about which I blog.

And just in case you were denied a primary level education in the English language: people (or subjects) are generally considered to be "readers" of something, not "reads". Cheers.

At 18/10/05 2:37 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sam, I was neither attacking your lifestyle, nor suggesting you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. (As it happens, I wish I had more time to focus myself on the meaningful social issues you do canvass in your blog.)
As for the 'read', it was a simple typo (I omitted the 'er' and didnt bother to proof read). I also have a habit of omitting apostrophes, but dont expect to be judged harshly for it.
Please lower the hackles. I came in peace, and leave somewhat ruffled.

At 18/10/05 4:26 pm, Anonymous Bazza (Adelaide High) said...

Hey Sam tell the "unidentified" about what goes on behind St Peters Oval pavillion. Go on dare you!

BTW. New UK GLBT site:


At 18/10/05 4:58 pm, Blogger Sam said...

As a regular read of the other Sam, his increasingly anxiety-ridden posts suggest he needs to 'pick up a root from the deli' more often!

Really? Increasingly anxiety ridden? Interesting...

At 18/10/05 5:13 pm, Blogger Dawei said...

And who picked up a root from the deli?

At 18/10/05 6:50 pm, Blogger JahTeh said...

My ex wears a bowtie.

Kill Harold!

Slowly, very slowly.

At 19/10/05 4:04 pm, Anonymous rachy said...

don't forget when he was swept out to sea and assumed dead only to be found years later with amnesia and working for the Salvos... then with no medical help but alot of TLC he RECOVERED and overnight started remembering everyone... that's about the same time I stopped watching Neighbours!

At 19/10/05 4:13 pm, Blogger Sam said...

Aww Rachy, missing out on all those subsequent years of intense Ramsay St drama? Helen dying, for instance. Paul's firey return. Harold donning an afro wig and rapping.

It's all an enriched tapestry of quality.


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