The Adventures of QueerPenguin

Gayee McGay

I'm going to Cher tonight. Yay. I didn't know I was going until 2 days ago (thanks Roozi, you're a doll). Cher is apparently going to be warmed-up by the Village People. Then it's Mardi Gras weekend. Any gayer and I'd be Elton John's black mambo.

And while we're on gays in the Village - or more accurately guys with pitchforks and flaming planks of wood in the village - check out fabulous Fred's latest adventures.

Divine intervention

When Channel Ten axed Queer Eye for the Straight Guy they blamed poor ratings. But the leader of the Christian Democrats, the Reverend Fred Nile, knows the real reason. "It's a reflection of the will of God," he told Spike yesterday. Wonder why He put it on in the first place? Or if He can bring back the West Wing? Spike asked the NSW MP what he thought was wrong with the show.

Nile: There's a backlash against this over-emphasis on the homosexual lifestyle. The show sets out to make the heterosexual male look stupid.

Spike: Which they're not, right?

Nile: I don't need any homosexuals telling me the way to dress or do my hair. I take pride in my turnout.

Spike: Maybe you should do a show, like Fred's Eye for the Atheist Guy or Jesus's Eye for the Heathen Guy?

Nile: I'd have to think about it.

Reverend Nile went on to say that he was sick of seeing homosexuals on "almost every television show" and that we should learn from the US's mistakes. "The homosexual lobby is so powerful in America now, they now have the same influence as the Negroes," he said.

Wow. Almost every television show eh? Here's some rough stats for ya Fred:

There's approximately 210 shows shown across the 5 free-to-air channels in one 24-hour day, so let's say 1470 per week;

Shows currently being shown that have (officially) regular gay characters are:

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (let's assume the US version will step into the Aussie's place) 1 ep pw
The Simpsons (and Patti hasn't come out here yet) 12pw
Will and Grace 1pw
The Secret Life of Us (about to finish up) 1pw
Dancing with the Stars 1pw
Little Britain 1pw
Law and Order (although you don't find out Serena is a dyke until her final line in her final ep) 1pw
All Saints (but the dyke is preggers from shagging her ex bf so again, it's tricky) 1pw
Queer as Folk 1pw

If I've missed any - let's be generous, give a margin of error of say 5, my total of gays on TV shows comes to 25pw. Out of 1470pw.

That's 1.7% - ok, ok 2% - of all TV shows having gay characters.

Go Fred, go. And don't forget to sort out those pesky negroes too!

posted by Sam @ Thursday, March 03, 2005