Friday, March 04, 2005


I'm alerting everybody to a new and potentially life/savings account-threatening disease that could spread like wildfire through the gay male population if not properly checked: It's called Diva OverDose (or D.O.D).

The conspiracy theorist in me believes having Cher, Kylie, Destiny's Child AND Bette Midler all touring in Australia in 2005 is part of a broader plot by the RRR to bankrupt queer men, who, blaming said divas for plummeting deep into the red to fork up the $495 for Cher, $140 for Kylie, $130 for DC and $315 for Bette (top prices listed here of course - a true homo can never be seen in B-Reserve) will then flock to Hillsong to get their homosexualism bashed - erm, sorry - sung out of them so that they can afford such luxuries as food and water again.

Symptoms of D.O.D include refusing to leave one's phone while ringing 2-Day FM or Nova 3 times every 8 seconds to see if one has won tickets to Kylie; calmly and efficiently forking out nearly an entire week's average salary to see an (allegedly) 58 year-old woman in fish nets and a leather jacket, or statements like: "I'm just taking my mum along 'coz she wants to see her" - even though you yourself are allegedly a heterosexual male.

I myself am already feeling a little flushed with fever, having seen the Chermeister last night and getting set to see Kyles on the same day as my birthday (it's written in the stars, we're meant to be together that day, baby). It's very contagious.

She of the Plastic is still pretty phenomenal. Quotes like "I am fabulous!" were countered with "This is the gayest concert ever!" and "If I did another concert, I would have to come out in a motorised wheelchair and my boobs would be hanging down by my ankles". My friend and I played a fun game of "Spot the straight bloke" in the crowds. We came up with about 4. The Village People were just the coconut icing on a fluffy pink blancmange.

I think by the time this weekend's over I'm gonna be totally out-gayed, Gay OverDosed (or - heheheh - G.O.D). Maybe then I can take up restoring Yamaha 660 CCs or something.


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