Friday, February 11, 2005

Royal Flush

Camilla Parker-Bowles is to become the new bride of Chucky. Zip pa dee fucking doo dah. Another marketing exercise for a pack of redundant over-privileged leeches financed by people who actually work for their money. Over here in the colony, J to the H has already made clear this wedding is "sensible" and has nothing to do with whether or not Australia should become a republic. Of course it doesn't, Johnster. Nothing they do should have anything to do with Australia as we should be a republic, as the majority of Australians, if you include supporters of the directly-voted President model, wanted back in 1998 and still do.

CPB kinda looks a bit like Linda Evans - if Linda were half a foot shorter, hadn't used moisturiser since 1978 and was really, really ugly. Apparently 80% of people who give a shit about this family hate her already and despair for the poor kiddies who now, on top of the death of their mother, have a wicked step-mother to contend with. I might feel something resembling pity for them if I weren't already convinced that Harry is not in fact Charles' son - the fact that he looks more and more like James Hewitt the older he gets seems to be the elephant in the room that everyone knows about but is unwilling to acknowledge - and that William can be easily compensated with his good looks, unlimited access to millions of dollars of other people's money and thousand mile line of women (and quite a few men) who would be his queen tomorrow.

This morning I heard odds for what the colour of her wedding dress will be. Even odds for white, 3-1 for cream, 10-1 for pastel and 800-1 for fuschia. For anyone who's interested, I'll pay 5000-1 for CPB to walk down the aisle in hot pants, a boob tube and a pilates instructor head band. In fact I'll pay 10,000-1 if she shimmies down the aisle in this outfit to ABBA's "I do, I do, I do", and 500,000-1 if she moves down the aisle while hyper-jogging on the spot to "I'm a Maniac" from Flashdance.


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