The Adventures of QueerPenguin

Putting the bore into Gaybores

It's with a heavy heart I write this - but I think it's time for Gaybores to call it a night.

I'm just not getting into this Next Gen Gaybores at all. Some parts are great - Paul starting to remember his evil deeds and some choice, choice cuts of man candy in particular - but the sum of those parts is just, meh.

I think its problem for the moment is that it's in limbo-land - winding back from Crazy Cat Woman Gaybores of 2006 as it cruises into the planned Sensible Shoes Gaybores of 2008 - so the current transitory product is an uncomfortable hybrid of the worst elements of both.

The new Number 26 family, invariably the 'centre family' of the show (Robinsons, Scullys, Timminseses etc), is problematic too. It's pretty obvious to me Steve Bastoni thinks he's so much better than Gaybores and is just treading water, presumably until he thinks something better will come along - perhaps a high-quality ABC product to hark him back to his Police Rescue glory days. His interpretation of stoic working-class man is to underplay, much like the hot-under-excess-of-facial-and-skull-hair actor playing his son. Bored now.

There's a bit more interest happening with mum Nikki Coghill and the Missy Higgins dykesque tomboy (Gaybores code for 'lesbian') daughter Bridget - but mum Miranda is pretty bland too. She's a bit like Susan Kennedy circa 1995, before Susan got interesting and emerged as something other than a doctor's wife into the mum of Ramsay Street that we all now love and adore. The lack of a contrasting style of mum, in the form of a Madge, Janelle or even Lyn, makes for boring times chez la Rue de Ramsay.

Jane Hall's Rebecca is a bit fiestier; we've covered domestic violence and compulsive lying there, not to mention giving birth to a child when you're eight years old - and I'm looking forward to some quality betch-slapping when Gail makes one of her token yearly returns - but again, there's no real working-class charm or gossipy trouble-making happening there either, so no contrast.

Don't get me started on Ned and Mickey. Seriously, the seven-year-old paying Mickey is a better actor than Dan O'BigHead. You feel for poor Janae, having to overplay to compensate for him. She's on her way out by early '08 - and like Dan, we pray to god that she'll take her boys with her.

Gaybores' executive producer has flagged that the new and improved show will take up to 12 months to be fully operational within its new milieu. Maybe he's right, but frankly I'm not sure I have the patience to ride out 12 months - and as this post is testament to, I'm a Gaybores tragic.

Ending Gaybores would be massive, but it's in a position where a quality finale doing the show justice could be constructed. I see Paul going fully evil again and arranging for Ramsay Street to be demolished (for a freeway or Fountain Lakes mega-mall or some such), until he's visited in the night by the ghost of Jim Robinson (I'm sure the Ugly Betty producers could give Alan Dale a sabbatical) to be reminded of the goodness of Helen and the Robinsons and Bouncer and shit. So Paul comes to the rescue just as all the residents are packing up to move away and the first demolition crane arrives, jumps into said crane and beats the driver silly with his wooden leg - but in the process falls under the wheels. The whole street witnesses he was really good all along and give him a viking funeral (I dunno, something about viking funerals I just like), and nobody has to leave. Last original cast member gone forever, circle of life, yadda yadda.

If Gaybores' writers rip this off, I'm totally gonna sue.

Labels: Gaybores

posted by Sam @ Monday, September 17, 2007