Monday, April 23, 2007

Generic Big Brother Housemate Entry Statement

"Hi, I'm_________

I'm a 2_y.o personal instructor from _______.

My friends describe me as pretty out-there, wild and not afraid to speak my mind.

I love a really good argument with someone - even when I don't disagree with them, I just love hearing the sound of my own voice so much.

My hero is (please insert impressive political/sporting figure who actually has done something of value, identification of whom will make HM appear profound and intelligent even though in reality you only just learned about them last week from a Fantales wrapper).

DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THREE WORDS - USING ONLY THESE THREE WORDS:
  • 'Fun', 'unapologetic', 'misunderstood.'
PLEASE SELECT ONE OF THE FOLLOWING TIRED CLICHES:
  • 'I like to keep it real.'
  • 'I want to use my time in the house to discover who I really am.'
  • 'I'm not here to make friends - I'm here to win.'
  • 'Game on, mole.'
IN 250 WORDS OR MORE, PLEASE PROVIDE US WITH UNSUBSTANTIATED SELF-RECOMMENDATION AND NAUSEATING SELF-PRAISE:

_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

IF APPLICABLE, PLEASE EXPLOIT A PERSONAL TRAGEDY BETWEEN CHOKED SOBS HERE TO HELP FALSELY PROJECT YOURSELF AS, LIKE, REALLY DEEP:

_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

DID YOU OBTAIN YOUR BREAST IMPLANTS AND FRONTAL LOBOTOMY AT THE SAME CLINIC? Y/N

THE CAPITAL OF NORWAY IS:

a/ Oslo
b/ N
c/ Four
d/ That's like, book smarts, man. I've got, like, 'life' smarts

BY SIGNING BELOW, YOU CONFIRM THAT UPON FIRST APPEARING WITH GRETEL BEFORE ENTERING THE HOUSE YOU WILL ANSWER HER QUESTIONS WITH BLAND, SINGLE-WORD REPLIES THAT COMPLETELY UNDERMINE ANY PERSONALITY YOU HAVE OTHERWISE ATTEMPTED TO CONVEY THROUGH YOUR AUDITION TAPE.

___________________________

THANKS FOR APPLYING! NOW FUCK OFF, YOUR TALENTLESS, VACUOUS FAME-WHORE. WE'VE ALREADY HAD SIX SEASONS OF PRODUCTION LINE MODELS LIKE YOU AND IT'S GETTING REALLLLLL TIRED.

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3 Comments:

At 23/4/07 2:45 pm, Blogger nash said...

For one brief moment I was silly enough to think this year the house mates might actually be a diverse bunch of interesting people. Oh well, now I know not to waste my time watching. If I was silly enough to waste $$$ as well I'd say the fireman or the blonde country gal will get through the end, but I couldn't really care less...

 
At 23/4/07 6:23 pm, Blogger JahTeh said...

Please let someone put booze in the water so we can watch the M*rmon get wasted.

 
At 24/4/07 12:40 am, Anonymous Dav said...

Great 'application' !!! You gotta wonder about the ones who ring up / email re this crap. Getting a thrill watching idiots confirm it to a national bogan audience. Real political debate ?? Nah man.

 

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