Friday, August 11, 2006

QueerPenguin Demands Hot Male RWDBs NOW

It's not fair. My good friend and serial Smuh letter-writing whorist, Claudia Marckx, and I have noticed that, in the terrifying death matches between commentators to see who can out-bigot the other, the battle of the sexes is grossly uneven.

By which I mean, it's a virtual smorgasbord of girlie hotties when a bit of pseudo neo-naziism's involved, but not so much the boys.

Exhibit #1: Ann Coulter.

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The lady's a fruitcake - in fact, I think half the time she spews shit just to get a rise and is really taking the piss - but ring-a-ding-ding, yes? (*opens the forum to straight male and dykey QP readers*)

Exhibit # 2: Michelle Malkin.

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Fractionally less deranged than Ann, but I still wouldn't to run into her in a bar after a few tequila shots. But such lustrous hair! Such shiny white teeth!

Closer to home, exhibit #3: Tell-Us-About-It Janet (no link required if you've ever read QP before).

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Actually, this particularly severe-looking woman does very little for me, but I have read at least two right-wingers idolise TUAI Janet as the "Australian Ann Coulter", so hey - let's run with her.

And of course, that saucy bombsell Miranda:

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...the glint in whose eyes still hints at some humanity, some glimmer of the innocent she once was before tempted to the Dark Side. Miranda is the Faith of media RWDBs - and like Faith, I still believe eventually she'll find the light after her time in the darkness.

But the men? FFS. Exhibit #1: Bill O'Reilly.

Mmmm, facial liver spots.

Again, back in Oz: Piers?

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Excuse me while I'm violently ill...

Just doesn't seem balanced, does it?

In fact, the Left doesn't offer us much in the way of media boy candy either.

I might go a round with Peter Hartcher -

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...but several of the said tequila shots would again have to be in play. (And I prefer to think of Peter as neutral than left anyways.)

Dammit! I want a media commentator pin-up boy! It's not fair that only male heterosexual RWDBs get all the talent.


At 11/8/06 1:47 pm, Blogger M-H said...

You forgot Condi, queen of the NeoCons. Mmmmm... those Armani suits. I'm afraid Janet's the only one of your gallery who could do it for me, and it would involve a lot of chardonnay.

At 11/8/06 2:04 pm, Blogger mscynic said...

What about Greg Combet?

He's SOOOOOOO Clark Kent.

In a much better way than this softcock could ever hope to be.

At 11/8/06 2:14 pm, Blogger mscynic said...

Oh, and I never knew what Miranda looked like.

No wonder she's such a hate-filled bitch.

At 11/8/06 2:38 pm, Anonymous swatschy said...

Word, MsCynic - they certainly soften her nunn-ish features for her Herald dinkus.

Sam, sorry you can't find better masturbation material among the nation's right wingers. Perhaps the City of Sydney's Shayne Mallard could provide you with some gay Lib fantasy material?

At 11/8/06 2:43 pm, Blogger Sam said...

Nah, Shayne's never done it for me swatchy. The fact that he's so concilliatory and "wet" Lib makes him all the less hot.

I want sexy, uncompromising, psycho righty ravers! The hot blond love-child of Wilson Tuckey and Bronnie Bishop, perhaps.

At 11/8/06 5:11 pm, Blogger cvm said...

Ann, it must be said, still reigns supreme. You just know that there's some very non-PC role play there.. *prrr*

It is indeed rather a shame about the boys, only one i can think of would be Brogden and really, he was never all that rabid. Maybe Charlton Heston in his youth?

Or you could try: ;)

At 11/8/06 5:13 pm, Blogger mikey said...

I've always had the hots for Alex Hawke, even if he is a short-arse and his eyes are too close together.

At 11/8/06 6:22 pm, Blogger JahTeh said...

I'm with mscynic about Greg Combet.

Next time you fill a blog with these 'humans' we should be issued with a free bucket.

I think I'll go to Lefty's to see if he's blogged his cute kitten.

At 11/8/06 6:36 pm, Blogger Sam said...

That particular crush could be life-threatening, mikey.

S&M role play, cvm? Ann plays Ann and you play a left-wing, Democrat-voting lesbian sympathetic to Palestinean liberation and opposed to prayer in school?


JT: Find me some male lefty hotties (and no, I don't consider Tim Brunero particularly attractive) for me and the bucket won't be necessary!

At 11/8/06 6:38 pm, Blogger cvm said...

Mr Combet is indeed a rather fine specimen, perhaps he because he does not have the requisite evil-conservative credentials? A few stepsto the right and maybe that boyish charm would be replaced by liver spots..

At 11/8/06 9:19 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think there are so many hot female conservative commentators because conservative men tend to be sexist and wouldnt want to read the opinion of a woman they didnt want to screw. If shes not worth rooting who cares what she has to say ... that sort of thing!

By the same logic as we all know conservative men also tend to be fat and/or ugly so they probably only want to see male commentators who are even fuglier than they are so they dont feel so bad. CW

At 12/8/06 8:32 am, Anonymous Robert said...

not to be too sycophantic, but I would have thought that nice Sam Penguin was in the running for hot lefty commentators

At 12/8/06 8:35 am, Anonymous Robert said...

oh and for the record, according to revolving door turncoat David Brock of Blinded by the Right "fame", Ann Coulter is absolutely sane and absolutely doing it all for the attention.

At 12/8/06 10:23 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what about Anderson Cooper? Does he count as "media commentator" or is he more just "emotional regurgitator". Tough call.

At 12/8/06 10:23 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what about Anderson Cooper? Does he count as "media commentator" or is he more just "emotional regurgitator". Tough call.

At 13/8/06 8:38 pm, Blogger comicstriphero said...

Those women aren't attractive.

You can almost seen the black bile coursing under their skin.

Filth. spluh.

At 14/8/06 7:55 am, Blogger Jeremy said...

I'm with CSH. Sorry, politics aside, none of those women really do it for me. Ann Coulter? What's that phrase about mutton and lamb?

At 14/8/06 9:04 am, Blogger Sam said...

That logic sounds about right to me CW.

Robert: sycophancy is always welcome here. You can so stay :-)

Anon: I'm ashamed to admit I'd not heard of Anderson Cooper until your posting. Now I'm wishing I'd heard of him sooner! When a guy in his thirties has greying hair and still looks good, that's a mighty fine achievement.

I think our political leanings still skewer our perpsective though, CSH and MrL. Seriously, look at Ann's picture and imagine, just for argument's sake, that woman is the head of the Australian Greens. Still ugly?

At 14/8/06 10:02 am, Anonymous swatschy said...

Most definitely still ugly.

At 14/8/06 5:31 pm, Anonymous stephenc said...

you forgot Christopher Pearson....thouygh have you ever seen Akerman and Pearson in the same place at the same time?????

At 14/8/06 5:49 pm, Blogger Splatterbottom said...

Condi is fantastic, oh those leather boots. I can't wait for the northern winter. And I think it would be quite fun to be link boy for Michelle and Mark Steyne.

At 14/8/06 10:48 pm, Blogger Jeremy said...

Seriously, look at Ann's picture and imagine, just for argument's sake, that woman is the head of the Australian Greens. Still ugly?

I don't think she's ugly. I just don't think she's hot. Regardless of her political opinions.

At 15/8/06 11:27 am, Blogger Gay Erasmus said...

Anderson Cooper is my boyfriend. He just doesn't know it yet.

I've seen about three photos of Miranda Devine and she looks radically different in each of them. She looks sympathetic enoguh here. Elsewhere she looks like she's ready to start a knife fight.

At 16/8/06 9:04 pm, Blogger "AK" Adam said...

That Anderson Cooper is alright, if perhaps a bit grey and severe.

The conservative birds doubtless appear more attractive to old tories than young, gay lefties, but it would certainly be nice to see a hot male conservative somewhere.

Though I couldn't give any undertakings vis-a-vis kicking the Boltster out of bed...


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