Friday, August 05, 2005

This Is Not Me

Today's lazy Friday afternoon man candy is brought to you by me, but he is not me.

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Player name: Sam Butler

Team: West Coast Eagles

Height: 187cms

Gurnsey Number: 26

Weight: 84 kgs

Recruited from: Central Districts, SA

Debut: 2004

Date of Birth: 14 Jan 1986

Don't worry, I'm sad that he's not me either. Not just the same name, but we're both from SA, both 187cm*, both turned 19 this year**, both have a good head of hair***.

Hrm. Maybe from a different angle...


Nah, he's still not me. Dang.

In fact the only AFL player I've ever been likened to, looks-wise, is Nathan Bassett:


...Who, let's face it, is no Kouta:


And he's certainly no Shano:


And he's definitely no Matty P:


But I guess things could be worse. I could be told I look like Gary "God" Abblet:


And then I'd have to go shoot myself.

While we're on this long journey of self-indulgence, I would also like to point out that I am not this man:


Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902), author of Erewhon (1872) and The Way of All Flesh (1874)

...But I'll go out on a limb and say that, yes, there's a resemblance here. I only wish I could write as well as he did.

There is, however, no resemblance between myself and this man:


Samuel Butler (1612 - 1680), author of satirical burlesque poem "Hudibras" (1663)

And anybody who says there is will be in for some serious beatings with an oversized ladle. So be warned.

Oh, and Samuel Butler (the sexy 19th century one) was a big 'mo too. How's about that.

* - Lie

** - Lie

*** - Lie


At 5/8/05 9:20 pm, Anonymous Aaron said...

Oh... it's the wooden spoon for me then.

At 6/8/05 9:24 am, Anonymous Rach said...

Ha hahaha! Love it! So much so that I let out a shout of laughter and made my boss question my sanity (again, for the 34th time this week). And I'm starting to think our footy discussions have made an impression.

At 6/8/05 7:49 pm, Blogger Nic White said...

See, we are the most awesome team ever in every possible way *cough*

At 7/8/05 1:16 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you dig around for Matthew Primus photos you'll find he's not afraid of chest hair removal (and he's also the most rootable AFL player I've ever seen)

At 8/8/05 9:19 am, Blogger Sam said...

Well, the most awesome looking team in the gurnseys and shorty-shorts, at least, Nic :P

Anon: My sources also inform me Matty's not afraid of patting the boys on the butt on - and off - the field. I tell ya, that's a fantasy I like to cuddle up with on these cold winter nights.

At 8/8/05 10:45 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Footballers, QP? Musclebound no-brainers who enjoy kicking the skin of a dead animal around the grass it used to eat. What next? Tom Cruise. JT.

At 8/8/05 10:56 am, Anonymous S said...

Ah, Matty. Even the lesbians love him. The lesbian Port Adelaide fans, that is.

At 8/8/05 12:11 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice eye candy. Too bad you don't look like the first guy, nothing a little plastic surgey can't fix.


At 8/8/05 12:14 pm, Blogger Sam said...

Now now JT, some (well, one) of my best friends are footballers with big juicy brains. And in Matty's case, who needs brains when you've got abs like that and could take out a bloke with a flick of your index finger? Mmmmm, testosterone.

Tom Cruise: straighter than Christopher Pyne, Christopher Pearson, David Flint, Alan Jones, Anthony Callea, Toby Allen and Thorpie combined. His engagement to Katie Holmes has all the credibility and heterosexuality of Peter Allen's marriage to Liza Minnelli.

At 8/8/05 12:15 pm, Blogger Sam said...

And maybe a few thousand more hours at the gym too, Elise. *sigh*

At 8/8/05 2:17 pm, Anonymous Panda said...

Sam, that is hilarious.... Thank you for an unexpected belly laugh on a Monday afternoon..

Just wanted to say that I also have it on good authority that Matty P likes the boys....

Sweet dreams, darling... xxx

At 8/8/05 3:07 pm, Anonymous Bazza (flies with the Crows) said...

Interesting to include Matty Primus (partime footy player). If you want to boost the current low moral of The Power, you should have thrown in Warren Tredea, thighs that can crush walnuts. BWT Crows still No. 2. CYA at the MCG September.

"The pride of South Australia, the mighty Adelaide Crows"

At 8/8/05 4:58 pm, Blogger j(aded) said...

I'm still gutted they closed down. Hmmph!

At 8/8/05 6:33 pm, Blogger skander said...

Matty Primus. Swoon.

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