Monday, June 26, 2006

Vale Aaron Spelling

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Aaron Spelling: 1923-2006

So the old boy's finally left us for the cheesy TV show in the sky.

Thank you Aaron for Charlie's Angels, and setting Farrah Fawcett Majors O'Neal on the path of facial reconstruction we know and piss ourselves at love today.

Thank you Aaron for Dynasty, and taking Joan Collins away from fighting off any more giant papier-mache ants and putting her where she belonged, squarely in the Carrington lily pond fighting Linda Evans instead.

Thank you Aaron for T.J Hooker and for giving us William Shatner in skin-tight black road-cop attire. Zepplin in a condom. Mmm.

Thank you Aaron for The Love Boat, the single greatest has-been extravaganza since Earthquake only a year earlier.

Thank you Aaron for Fantasy Island and having the brave vision of white Armani. De plane, Aaron. De plane.

Thank you Aaron for 90210 and the strange-looking monument to bulimia we know as your daughter, Tori.

Thank you Aaron for Charmed and for resurrecting Shannen Doherty's career. Thank you also, Aaron, for killing that very career three seasons later.

Thank you Aaron for Models Inc, which ensured Cameron Daddo's never had any acting work since.

Thank you Aaron for Melrose Place and for having Heather Locklear as a "special guest star" for seven seasons.

Thank you Aaron for Soapdish and giving Sally Field the chance to say, "I don't feel quite right in a turban. What I feel like is GLORIA FUCKING SWANSON!!" and/or Teri Hatcher replying to Kevin Kline's "You have beautiful eyes!" with "Oh, they're nothing compared to my tits!"

I won't thank you for Seventh Heaven, your religious right breeder propaganda posing as "family entertainment", but that's ok - you had to screw up at some point! (Oh, right. The Heights. Robin's Hoods. Savannah. Malibu Shores. Pacific Palisades.)

Still, we'll miss you and your massively oversized eyes. Cheers, thanks a lot.


At 26/6/06 1:50 pm, Blogger mscynic said...

I so know. It's quite amazing the list of glorious shows he gave us.

I, for one, shall spend this evening watching Melrose Place episodes (every season on VHS) in honour of Ole Hound Dog Eyes.

This is totally because I am paying my respects and has nothing to do with the fact that my exam is in TWO DAYS TIME.

Lucky for Tori, she is now happily married and popping out kids because she'll never get a TV gig again.

At 26/6/06 2:14 pm, Anonymous swatschy said...

Television has never since reached the peak of Melrose Place fantasticness. For me, that was when Kimberley pulled off her wig to reveal her scars. Back from the dead!

Sadly, I can still make myself quite breathless thinking about it.

At 26/6/06 2:18 pm, Blogger Sam said...

Yes I remember those days fondly too swatschy, when Marcia Cross was able to move her face. Ahh, memories.

At 26/6/06 3:10 pm, Blogger mscynic said...

Two words .....

Michael Mancini.

At 26/6/06 3:21 pm, Blogger Sam said...

No, three words:

Grant Show's arse.

At 26/6/06 4:01 pm, Blogger mscynic said...

Was Grant Show the one who was gay? I thought he was a bit bland.

Did you ever read that article (maybe in Cosmo?) about .... crap ... I forget his name. The guy that played the insufferably arrogant doctor, the one Amanda was married to ... anyway, the article was an interview with some groupie who had slept with him, and apparently, after the act, he gave her a life-size, autographed poster of himself?

Hee. Love it.

At 26/6/06 4:19 pm, Blogger Sam said...

Grant Show was Jake, MsC - the very muscular white trash fiend who was originally shagging Kelly from 90210 (and hence the spin-off).

Mmm, trash.

And you're thinking of Dr Peter Burns, played by Jack Wagner, now one of Brooke's many squeezes on B&B. Shitty character, could never understand why he lasted. Was hoping he'd go the way of Kristin Davis' annoying character and crack his head open by the pool. Doesn't surprise me that the actor is as much a toss-bag as the character.

At 26/6/06 5:04 pm, Blogger mscynic said...

Of course, Doctor Peter Burns. How could I have been so ignorant!

Is he (on B&B) in any way related to the Forresters? Because I thought Brooke only did family? Like seriously, has she banged Stephanie yet? That would be the only Forrester she hasn't done, no?

The best was when Sheila crossed over to B&B and then Lauren followed her so that she could warn Eric, and Oh My God, how long did they draw that out for? I was positively screaming at the TV - "OH, FOR FUCK'S. Just tell him. TELL HIM." It drove me crazy.

So yeah .... my exam cramming is going real well today .... sigh.

At 26/6/06 5:34 pm, Anonymous bazza said...

Cameron Daddo I fancied, when he did that TV show, hitching up a boy and a girl in the eighties. The things you think of in bed, to get to sleep.
BTW. Where is Cameron now?

At 26/6/06 11:48 pm, Blogger Gay Erasmus said...

mscynic, I think Dr Peter Burns' character on B&B is the half-brother of Ridge. His tv show mother looks like she could be his sister -- his younger sister -- and his father is the guy who played Stephano Dimera on Days of Our Lives (which I will always remain deeply devoted to, for the sheer joy of seeing Dr Marlena in action, whether she happens to be caught in a love triangle, possessed by a devil, or just killing off main characters.

RIP Aaron Spelling. Without you and Melrose Place, I doubt I'd have gotten through high school.

At 27/6/06 12:39 pm, Blogger mscynic said...

Thanks for clearing that up for me, Gay Erasmus. I just knew it must be so.

How good was Days? I loved the fact that I used to watch it in 1988 and when I went back to watching it in 2001, the same shit was happening, so I didn't feel like I'd missed anything.

How many times could Roman Brady change his entire facial structure? How many lives did Victor Kiriakis really have? And yes, Marlena's antics were positively superb.

Ahhh .... good times.

At 27/6/06 12:47 pm, Blogger Sam said...

Days is just...odd, these...days.

Caught an ep a few weeks ago, and ok, they had
a/ the guy who originally played Roman,
b/ John Black, who people thought was Roman, and
c/ the guy currently playing Roman,
all in the same hospital room looking over an amnesiac Marlena!

Next you know the zombie of Dr Tom Horton will come out of the grave to wreak havoc on Salem.


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